From: LIFE Today <devotional@loi.org>
Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2010 03:00:23 -0500 (CDT)
Subject: Words of LIFE: Goodwill Hunting with Dr. Eggerichs
To: rkbc1947@gmail.com
Words of LIFE
Goodwill Hunting with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
by Michelle Brown
Sometimes people give me funny looks when they learn that I'm reading
a book on marriage. As a single person who has never been
married this particular genre isn't one which fits my current
life.
Recently a copy of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' latest book, The
Language of Love & Respect, came my way. The target audience is
married people, but there are many good points which are helpful for
all relationships.
Dr. Eggerichs addresses the issue of "goodwill" in the
fourth chapter of his book, stating:
A simple definition of goodwill is "the intention to do good
toward another person." But there is much more to it than that.
A spouse may intend to do good, but fail to deliver. Good intentions
do not necessarily guarantee good results.
As Jesus said to His disciples when they went to sleep on the
job in the Garden of Gethsemane, "the spirit is willing, but the
flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). Jesus knew His disciples had
goodwill toward Him even though their follow-through didn't
match their good intentions.
The apostle Paul captured the reality of good intentions but poor
follow-through when he wrote about his own struggles with the flesh in
Romans 7:19: "I don't do the good things I want to do. I
keep on doing the evil things that I don't want to do." (NIRV)
Take what Dr. Eggerichs says and put it in the context of any
relationship - friend, coworker, boss - and consider the
implications of these statements:
When your spouse fails to follow through on good intentions, your
definition of goodwill must also include the idea that goodwilled
people do not mean any harm; they do not intend real evil toward one
another. Your spouse may be neglectful, forgetful, or make a careless,
even thoughtless remark. As a result, you may be hurt or angry and may
lash out in some way to retaliate. But despite all these failings,
deep down you both care for each other. Beneath the turmoil on the
surface of what is going on, your goodwill remains intact.
We are goodwilled people - or at least want to be - but
sin still holds us in its grip. This is why, even though we have
goodwill toward our mate, we can still sin against our mate in all
kinds of ways. So, my counsel to married couples who are serious about
practicing Love and Respect is always the same: whenever your
spouse's good intentions fail to produce loving or respectful
actions toward you, you have only one good option, and that is to make
a deliberate choice to trust your spouse's goodwill.
What would happen if we based all of our responses on the premise that
the other person has goodwill toward us?
Let's say, for example, that a friend recently did or said
something to deeply hurt me. I could respond based on my feelings of
hurt, which say that my friend is an inconsiderate jerk who
doesn't care for anyone else's feelings, or I could choose
to believe that my friend genuinely has goodwill toward me. If I
respond out of my hurt then it is likely that I will do or say
something equally hurtful which, as Eggerichs says, is "designed
to send the message, 'You hurt me, so I am going to hurt you so
you will stop hurting me!'" In other words, I will
try to take some sort of emotional vengeance and perpetuate a cycle of
hurt - I get hurt and I hurt the other person in return.
However, if I choose to respond with belief in my friend's
goodwill toward me then, even though it doesn't negate the
emotional pain I feel, I am able to extend grace toward my
friend. With grace we are able to work through the difficult
feelings and toward reconciliation.
Along with his Romans 7 confession of not being able to always do what
he wants and not do what he doesn't want, Paul also teaches
that, despite our weaknesses, goodwill is a reality. Following through
on our good intentions is possible when we seek to do God's will
from our hearts and "with good will render service, as to the
Lord, and not to men." (Ephesians 6:7)
Paul tells us not to pay back evil for evil, but to live honorably
and, as much as possible, peacefully with everyone (Romans 12:17-19).
If we hunt for the goodwill in others, we will find that our lives
work more smoothly. Moreover, if we exhibit goodwill toward
everyone then we will love people the way Jesus loves them, which is
the same way He love us.
In the end, that is what our relationship with Christ is all about,
especially since we are His Bride and He is our Groom. Dr.
Eggerichs' teachings about love and respect in marriage have a
broader application than the relationship between husband and wife. As
we choose to seek goodwill in every relationship, we begin to more
truly live out Jesus' directive to love our neighbor as
ourselves. That is the quintessential definition of goodwill.
Excerpts taken from The Language of Love & Respect: Cracking the
Communication Code with Your Mate by Emerson Eggerichs. (Thomas
Nelson)
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